I haven't added anything new to my blog page in forever because I haven't had anything to share. For a good while now i've been all alone. Ofc i have my family and my long distance bf but thats it. I haven't had anyone to hang out with in so long. But that all changed a little over a week ago. I decided to get out of the house and go to the skatepark, I havent done that in over a year, and I would always go with my friend who has now moved away. I met a girl named bobbie. She was so nice to me. I haven't met anyone new in years. I was so happy. We would hangout and just ramble about random stupid shit, and I loved it. She'd do backflips on her rollerskates while I watched from the bleachers and chainsmoked cigarettes. Today I came back from a sleepover with her at her cousins house, she was staying with them for the summer; she's from philly. We got pizza, played cod, drank, life was good. Life was great. I haven't felt that way in a long time, especially with someone new. Before she dropped me off back home she got me food. On the car ride back, I felt like that was the last time i'd ever talk to her. I forgot to give her the 3 doors down CD I told her I would give her. She dropped me off and waited for me to get inside before she drove off. She said she might go to California tommorow, and then she's back off to college.
Im gonna miss her dearly, i've never felt so alone, and then there she was. I always thought there was something about me that detered everyone, but she didn't see it. Im back to being all alone now, the only things I have to look forward to are phone calls and hanging out with my family. I felt I was living the teenage years I was promised. I never felt such a sense of belonging, and I don't think I will again. Im back to being miserable and alone. I hope one day i'll meet her again.
Misc 2:32 AM
I've never been one to look up at the sky, except for today. Something in the air feels different, and the world looks surreal. Memories, in my opinion, are one of the most painful things to have. You never know how good you have it until its all just a memory, a memory thatll just keep getting fuzzier and fuzzier as time goes on, leaving only incomplete images and heavy feelings. You cant turn back time and relive those moments, and you cant change how they happened. You feel as though you couldve done so much more in those times. Nostalgia will be the death of me. I'll never be able to relive those times again. Until i met my new friend, ive never rode in a friends car before. It made me feel so free. For the first time in 4 years, someone came up to me and befriended me. That may seem insignificant to some, but to me its the biggest deal in the world. I feel sad and empty inside, and its killing me.