Ive kinda been "annoying" (to put it lightly) my neighbor lately. It recently got to the point where this one girl is threatening to kill me. My friends and I called her and her "auntie" last night, they were telling me they were gonna beat the shit outta me and that I should go kill myself again or whatever. I got my phone taken away for god knows how long, and my moms telling me I might have a brain tumor and I need a scan bcuz theres something deeply wrong with me. Im just living life tbh, I do what I please. She told me to stop, but I dont wanna. I wont stop until I ruin her life. Ive been thinking about calling animal control on her racoon and getting it euthanized, since she got it from the wild and not from a breeder (which is illegal). Once I do that though who knows what shes gonna do to me. She might actually fucking kill me. Ive already called the fire department on her, ordered pizzas to her house, found her socials, made fun of her son, and talked maddddddddddd shit.
Ive started my "Manifesto", Its really just my diary. Me and my friend are supposed to hang out today, I really hope that happens. We havent been able to lately since my sleep schedule has been fucked, I go to bed at like 10 in the morning. Im excited for christmas, but not really. Me and my sister have been beefing, and shes coming over, and I dont know if I wanna see her or not. Also whats the deal with parents giving you presents you never asked for, and have little to no interest in, and getting upset when youre not stoked on it. One year I asked for star wars/minecraft legos, and my mom got me some girly ass lego friends bs. Mf. Oh, and one year she got me a cat piggy bank, Uh, thanks I guess...
Im looking forward to my next therapy appointment, I have a lot to talk about. I need to start being completely honest with her and tell her about my alarming thoughts. I dont know what happened to me last week, but it was unlike anything thats happened to me before. Ive had delusional thoughts for a while now, but this was different. My friend got his co-worker to give us a ride home from the mall. I will admit I was high, but ive been high countless time before and it was never like this. I was listening to her talk and my brain just started making these weird connections from what she was saying. I was basically convinced that she was gonna kill me. I asked her to stop the car so I could pee, I told my friend I was gonna walk home. I started to have these thoughts while I was walking, but they werent mine. They wouldnt stop talking. They started making fun of my thoughts and they were telling me I was gonna die. I thought It mightve been the cars passing by speaking to me. The whole walk there was this lingering sense of impending death. The lights from the cars looked strange, they would freeze and stall behind the moving cars. Everything looked so different, I knew where I was, it just didnt feel the same. I walk by my ex's old work, I hear voices talking. "Isnt that that neighbor girl? She looks so weird!" I dont know if this was in my head too or not. A see a car stop in the road beside me, its my bro and his co-worker. Bro gets out and hugs me, I wish I couldve seen myself through his eyes. He tells me hes gonna order me an uber. I refuse it and tell him to cancel it. He tells me to please just take it, I refuse. I think about how he might be calling someone over to kill me. He asks if I know where I am and my way home, I manage to answer him correctly. He gets back in the car, and drives away. I keep walking home. Some rubble on the side of the road appeared to be a dead body from afar, it was so vivid. I felt my body go cold and numb. The fear I felt was paralyzing. I could see his hanging jaw, his yellowed decomposing skin, his yanked and frayed hair, his bloodied green flannel, his torn jeans, and the faint smell of death and rot. As I got closer, I saw it for what it really was, just a bunch of junk. Theres more cars than usual on the road tonight. Its because of me isnt it. Everything was so much louder. The backfire from cars sounded like gunshots, normal commuting sounded like speed racing. One particularly loud car passed by me, I freaked out. I ran through the forest area next to me. I fought my way through the bramble and branches. The thought of bugs, ticks, and snakes biting me plagued my mind. As I made it to the other side I recognized where I was. As im walking down the street on the sidewalk I realize that I wasnt on the sidewalk at all, I was walking in the middle of the road on the median, I quickly correct myself. I just know people are looking at me. As I walked I rubbed my hands together and held my sides hoping I could somehow snap myself out of it. My neighborhood is up ahead to the right. Im really scared. I turn right down the neighborhood before mines. Nothing looks right to me, I know my neighborhood was just up ahead, but that didnt feel right, I needed directions. I see a lady get out of her car holding her baby, I look at her and work up the courage to ask her for help, but instead I stand and stare. She speeds into her house, holding her baby tightly. I scared her. Theres people in their garage, theyre speaking spanish. Sounds like theyre having a little party. I dont understand what theyre saying, only some of it. They notice my odd behaviour and their attitude changes to that of concern. I see a house with its lights on, It looks like theres people inside. I go up to the door and knock. I hear muffled speaking, I cant quiet understand what they said, but I think I scared them too. I think I hear a mom tell her kids to hide and turn off the lights, the house goes silent. I stand waiting for like 2 minutes before I decide to leave. I keep on walking. Oh yeah I forgot to mention, this whole time I also thought some cars were out to get me. As I hear cars get closer and closer to me I think it might be the end. I walk as fast as I can to get away. I finally arrive at home. My parents are mad. I answer their questions. I hear laughing coming from my neighbors house, I think it was at me. I go inside, text my friend, tell my mom I think theres something wrong with me, and I go to bed.